Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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