i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
