And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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