dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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