our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
