My room smells like vodka and shame
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
