I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
