my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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