i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
