Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
