3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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