Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
