Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found your dick twin last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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