Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
