i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
