My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
