Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
