just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
