I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
