That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
