1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize