I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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