I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
