youre lurking in front of me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
