when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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