That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
