We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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