Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
