you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
