I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
