And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
