I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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