coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
