I think my fart just growled at me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
