I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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