Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
