if i can run in heels then i can drive
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
