yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
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Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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