I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm like, not good at living.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
