Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
