i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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