wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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