Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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