Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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