my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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