I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
MIDGETS
????
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
