Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
