very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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