last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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