hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
