I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's just like the Real World with babies
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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