He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
