I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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