is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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