Having a random hookup so left but love u
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
