census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
