I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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