i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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