FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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