Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Congratulations! We have a period
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
