I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Still dying that you shit outside
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
