Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
