I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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