sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize